Tell me you won't leave me
by kath0410
Summary: "And with the way Rachel kissed her tenderly and locked their fingers together, Quinn is reassured that she will never leave her; that Rachel will always make her whole again whenever she feels broken inside." Four situations where Quinn's fears are eased by Rachel. Warning: Mention of abuse.


**A/N: Inspired by a poem I randomly found. The author's name wasn't penned there, so I apologize for not being able to properly give credit. I do not own the poem, and all credit is given to the person who wrote it.**

**Warning: Mentions of abuse. **

* * *

><p><em>Look me in the eyes<em>

_And tell me the three words_

_That I'm dying to hear_

It was nearly midnight, and Quinn and Rachel were currently sitting down on the couch in the Berrys' living room, watching a movie that Quinn was barely paying any attention to. Deciding to give up on the movie altogether, Quinn closed her eyes and leaned her head against Rachel's shoulder, needing to be closer to her. For a brief moment, Quinn felt Rachel's lips press against the top of her head, and she looked up to flash a tentative smile at Rachel.

Deep, brown eyes held her gaze, and Quinn felt her heart begin to beat a little faster. They've been dating for six months now, and Quinn wondered when Rachel would say those three words that she had been longing to hear. Even though she could see it in Rachel's eyes every time they gazed at each other and in the way their lips met, Quinn couldn't help but feel insecure from time to time.

For the longest time, Quinn always felt that she wasn't good enough for anyone. She may have a tough exterior and she may have been the captain of the Cheerios before, but it was all a shell – a protective layer she built around herself so that people wouldn't see how vulnerable and lonely she was inside.

No one had ever said those three words to her - not even her parents or her sister; the three people she thought that loved her for who she was.

Quinn didn't need a quarterback for her boyfriend; she didn't need her social status, or the fear of the other students. Popularity wasn't what she aimed for, it wasn't what she needed.

Deep inside, all she wanted was to be loved and understood. To be accepted wholly for who she was. She needed someone who would never get tired of her insecurities, someone who would never tire of telling her that she was beautiful every day and mean it.

Every day, her fears would eat at her. The fear of being left alone without anyone to care about her. The fear that she wasn't good enough for anything or for anyone.

The fear that Rachel might not really be in love with her.

Quinn needed to hear them from Rachel – she needed to hear those three words for once in her life. But not only for the sake of having those words spoken to her. She needed Rachel to mean them, to make her feel every word and have them etched into her soul forever.

She was scared to say them first, for fear that Rachel might not say them back. Quinn needed the assurance that Rachel really does love her, for her to say them first.

It might be selfish on her part, but she was afraid. Afraid of not being loved back by the person that mattered the most to her.

Biting back a whimper, Quinn fought hard to fight away the tears that were stinging the back of her eyes. Like a knife being twisted into her heart, the fear started to make its way back into Quinn's chest, causing her heart to clench and her breathing start to shallow.

What if she was looking at it the wrong way? What if the love and devotion she saw in Rachel's eyes was just a fragment of her imagination? What if Rachel would never learn to fall in love with her?

Reflexively, Quinn gripped tightly onto the hem of Rachel's shirt and rested her head against the brunette's chest. Still, the feel of Rachel's heartbeat and warmth did nothing to calm Quinn down like it usually did. She felt like a scared little girl that needed to be held by her parents and be calmed down by their touch.

The sounds coming from the television suddenly faded into nothing, and it was then that Quinn realized that Rachel probably turned it off. They sat together in silence, with Quinn desperately holding on to Rachel like a lifeline.

Slowly, Quinn felt her face being tipped up. Brown orbs met her gaze, and Rachel smiled softly. Small hands caressed her face, and Quinn felt her fears begin to vanish. She felt crazy for thinking that Rachel might not love her, because it was right there in her eyes. Of course Rachel wouldn't be so cruel.

Sometimes, in her own fear, Quinn would forget that Rachel was a kind and sincere person. She never judged Quinn for the things that she did, and she never laughed at her fears. For a time, Quinn always thought that Rachel always needed to talk. But eventually, she learned that Rachel also appreciated silence. Just by looking at her like this, Quinn could feel Rachel's love for her. Her eyes told them all, and Quinn loved that about her.

"I love you, Quinn," Rachel whispered into the silence of the night, completely vanquishing Quinn's fears and insecurities. Her brown eyes reassured Quinn that it was true – that she loved her despite her flaws and vulnerable state.

"I love you too, Rachel," Quinn answered, her voice shaky with emotion.

Rachel smiled and kissed her, and Quinn felt it in every fiber of her being. With every part of her, she loved Rachel, and now she was sure that Rachel loved her with all that she was.

* * *

><p><em>Kiss my scars<em>

_One by one_

_And tell me I'm not my past_

Quinn stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her top was bare, and with trembling hands, she ran her fingers across the scars that littered her abdomen. To this day, she can still remember the weight of the glass bottle shattering against her skin. The screams of her drunken father telling her that she was a failure, how he could never love her or think of her as a daughter. How her own mother stood by idly and watch her get hurt by her own father.

And how, by some twist of fate, Rachel showed up on her doorstep that summer night.

The sounds of the police sirens and the wails of the ambulance directly outside of her house. Her father and mother being taken away by the police, the terrified expression on Rachel's face as she was brought to the hospital.

The night that started it all, of how her feelings for Rachel started to deepen.

It had been a continuing struggle for Quinn to fully let Rachel in and to let down the walls she had so carefully built around her. But Rachel had been nothing short of patient for the six months that they were together; never pushing, never forcing her to voice out her feelings about that night.

The fear that Rachel might not love her has disappeared, but still, she was afraid of showing Rachel the permanent reminders on her body. It had been the first time that Rachel saw her wounds, right after she was brought to the hospital. And for a time, that was also the last time.

Quinn refused to show Rachel her scars, thinking them ugly and letting her believe that they disfigured her. Even now that she was reassured that Rachel really did love her, she was still fearful that Rachel might leave her behind.

And whenever Quinn thought back on that experience, she feared that she might become like her parents one day. She was terrified that she might blow up one day without any reason and _hurt _Rachel, whether physically or emotionally. Terrified that she might become her mother, uncaring that her own daughter was getting hurt right in front of her very eyes.

Terrified that she might become a monster.

With shaky breaths, Quinn gripped the edge of the sink and bowed her head, the images of her father and mother assaulting her mind.

_You will one day turn into a monster like me._

_You won't care for your future children._

_You will hurt Rachel like I hurt you._

_You can't run away from us forever, Quinn._

"Stop!" Quinn yelled as she rammed a fist into the wall. And all at once, the voices inside her head vanished, though she was still shaken.

Tears escaped her eyes as Quinn sank to the floor. She buried her face into her hands and cried; the terror that she might become like her parents worming its way into her heart. There was nothing more that scared her than the thought of ever raising a fist in front of Rachel, or saying hurtful words that would shatter her soul.

"Quinn! Are you okay? I heard you screaming," came Rachel's worried voice from the other side of the bathroom door.

Weakly, Quinn stood up and opened the door, revealing a frightened-looking Rachel. Her hazel eyes were filled with sorrow, staring blankly as she felt Rachel's gentle hands cup her face.

"Is it them again?" Rachel asked carefully, her brown orbs laced with worry and fear.

"I can't get them out of my head," Quinn whispered, voice filled with anguish.

"You're not them, okay? Quinn, you're not your parents," Rachel said firmly as she stared directly into Quinn's eyes. "I _know _that you're not going to hurt me."

"How sure are you?" Quinn choked out, tears cascading her face.

Rachel said nothing and went down on her knees, her lips gliding gently against the scars on Quinn's stomach. She kissed each one of them and stood back up, her palms planted on Quinn's chest.

"Do you remember what you said in the hospital that night? When you showed me your scars?" Rachel asked softly, her fingers tracing the raised flesh on Quinn's stomach.

Quinn closed her eyes and searched her memories of that night. She saw herself lying down on the hospital bed, with Rachel sitting right beside her and holding her hand. The surety in her voice when she said those words.

"I'm not like them. I'm not going to become like them," Quinn recalled, her voice quivering.

"And you're not," Rachel said gently, brown eyes trusting and believing. "You have been nothing but gentle to me, Quinn. You've never raised your voice at me when we argued, and you never said a hurtful word to me. Not a single one. You're not your parents, Quinn. And I love you for that. I'll always love you for who you are."

Quinn said nothing and took Rachel's hands, locking their fingers together. Rachel was right. She was herself; not her parents. For Rachel, she would break that cycle.

She isn't a monster.

* * *

><p><em>Hold me tight when I'm caving in<em>

_Tell me I'm beautiful and stronger than them_

Quinn sat on the bleachers in the gym, watching the Cheerios perform another complicated routine. Sometimes she wondered if she made the right choice by quitting, but for the most part, she thought that it was for the best. After that night, she wasn't the same again. Nightmares haunted her nearly every night, and she was more terrified than ever of disappointing anyone again.

Even though she didn't know exactly what she did to disappoint her father that much to warrant a beating.

Her head perked up when she heard footsteps approaching. She didn't need to look at the person to know who it was – she'd already memorized the sound of this person's footfalls.

"Rachel," she whispered as the person sat beside her.

"Hi, Quinn," came Rachel's soothing voice, having an immediate effect on Quinn.

"Do you think I made the right choice? By quitting?" Quinn asked in a hushed voice, raising her head to meet Rachel's eyes.

Rachel chewed her lip, a contemplative look on her face as Quinn stared at her. Moments of silence passed, until Rachel took her hand and laced their fingers together, her brown eyes looking straight into Quinn's soul.

"Being a cheerleader doesn't always mean that you're strong," Rachel said, slowly, carefully, almost hesitantly. "I think that it takes a great deal of strength to be vulnerable and let someone in, without the pretense of being invincible because of the power you have."

Quinn flashed a watery smile as Rachel tilted her chin so that they were looking directly at each other. Brown orbs reassured her, and the look on her girlfriend's face was nothing short of serious and determined.

"You're strong, Quinn. Stronger than anyone else I've ever met," Rachel said quietly.

Unable to find the right words to respond to Rachel, Quinn leaned in and pressed their lips together.

Kissing Rachel always did make her feel invincible.

* * *

><p><em>Make me believe in love<em>

_And try again_

_Tell me you will never leave_

_Like the rest of them_

They were lying down on Rachel's bed, and Quinn lay on her back, small moans erupting from her lips as Rachel kissed all over her body, mainly focusing on the scars that littered her abdomen. It was only with Rachel that she could be vulnerable and exposed like this, in the stillness of the night. Fingers tweaked her nipples, flicking and rolling with careful movements, taking their sweet time in pleasuring her.

Reflexively, Quinn spread open her legs, allowing Rachel to settle in between them. Heated skin pressed against heated skin, and Quinn watched as Rachel's eyes raked up and down her naked form, more out of reverence and love than lust.

Wrapping her legs around Rachel's waist, Quinn pulled her in closer, needing the bodily contact and the warmth of Rachel's skin on hers. They didn't speak, simply staring into each other's eyes as they ground together, the heat fluttering in Quinn's lower belly. She had never been quite capable of expressing her emotions through words, instead opting to show them through her eyes. And Rachel knew how to read her so well, simply by the shift in her expression or posture.

Rachel's presence had always been an overwhelming force in Quinn's life. Especially more so when they were alone in this bedroom, where all she could see, hear, smell, and feel was Rachel. They've done nothing all day but to make love, and Quinn was sure that they've christened every part of the Berrys' home. It was the first time that they were left alone in the house for one whole day, with Rachel's dads being away on an urgent business.

And even though they've done it on every surface of the house, Rachel's bed was still her favorite place to be making love in. Maybe it was because this was the part where she could feel Rachel the most – the trophies that lined the shelves, the CDs that were placed neatly on the rack, the playbills that framed the wall… Everything there screamed _Rachel Berry_.

Then again, maybe it was the security that she felt whenever she lay down on Rachel's bed. Where they cuddle together, naked, after hours of slow and passionate lovemaking. Her head on Rachel's chest as they both fell asleep, nestled in the safety of Rachel's arms.

Eyes fluttering shut, Quinn focused on the feel of Rachel's tongue gliding against her skin, fingertips caressing her thighs as she trembled in anticipation. When she opened them again, she sees Rachel's head in between her legs, and she moans breathily at the sight. Rachel's lips, swollen from the bruising kisses they've been sharing for the whole day. Her neck, reddened and bruised from the hickeys Quinn had given her. It was her possessive nature taking over, the need to show other people physical proof that those were the marks she had placed on Rachel's skin.

Even though she knows that Rachel won't _ever _leave her, she still can't help but be scared sometimes. Scared that one day, Rachel might get sick of her insecurities and fears and leave her for someone that wasn't as broken as she was.

But with Rachel's lips and hands all over her body like this, Quinn can't help but feel guilty for the negative thoughts she was having.

A warm and wet tongue ran over her folds, causing her to gasp in surprise. Her thighs trembled as Rachel started to lap at her sex, slow and gentle, the way she wanted it. A deep moan rumbled from her throat as Rachel's lips wrapped around her clit, sucking and biting gently. Her body arched off the bed as she felt Rachel's tongue slip inside her core, another loud moan making itself known.

Needing to hold onto something, Quinn tangled her right hand in Rachel's hair and gripped the sheets with her left. She could feel Rachel's tongue swirling and rubbing against her walls, her hazel eyes fluttering shut at the wonderful sensations she was feeling. Eyebrows furrowed, Quinn panted and rolled her hips, urging Rachel to go _faster_.

But Rachel stopped, and Quinn groaned in displeasure.

"I want to try something," Rachel whispered.

Biting her lip, Quinn nodded. She trusted Rachel with everything she had, knowing that she would never do anything to hurt her, physically or emotionally. Rachel beamed and opened the drawer on her bedside table, pulling out a purple vibrating dildo.

"Is this okay?" Rachel asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"Y-yeah," Quinn answered, resisting the urge to rub her legs together.

Rachel smiled and turned the dial to the lowest setting, the low hum penetrating the silence. Quinn gasped as Rachel rubbed the tip against her folds, the vibrations sending jolts of pleasure throughout her sex.

"M-more," Quinn gasped out, gripping the sheets as she rolled her hips.

Rachel nodded and turned the dial to a higher setting, the vibrations growing stronger against her core. Quinn moaned and watched as Rachel traced her nether lips with the tip, rubbing and circling her folds. Her clit throbbed with need, and a guttural moan tore through her lips as Rachel circled the hard nub. Her mouth hung open as Rachel slowly entered her, gasping at the stretch.

The dildo filled her, the vibrations coaxing more cum out of her. Gasping and moaning, she writhed as she clenched her muscles around the length, her legs trembling and abdomen tensing as Rachel thrust the dildo in and out of her sex. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head due to the immense pleasure she was receiving, and as the tip hit her sensitive spot, she let out a shriek.

"Oh, that feels so good," Quinn whimpered as she thrust back against the dildo. "H-harder!"

Rachel moaned and pumped the toy faster, and Quinn's moans increased in pitch with each thrust. Before she knew it, she was coming hard, her body trembling violently with the force of her orgasm. Rachel's thrusts slowed down, and Quinn whimpered as the dildo was withdrawn. Again, Rachel moved south and gently lapped at her core, cleaning the remnants of her cum.

After fully coming down from her high, Quinn lay slack against the bed, panting as she attempted to catch up to her breath. She smiled as Rachel climbed up, chin soaked with her cum.

"Thank you," Quinn murmured softly as she kissed Rachel, needing to voice out her gratitude.

Rachel smiled back and set the toy aside, pressing their bodies together as they kissed slowly. Quinn sighed and tangled her fingers in Rachel's hair, tasting herself on her lips.

"I love you," Rachel said softly, nudging her forehead against Quinn's.

Throat dry and tears welling in her eyes, Quinn whispered back, "I love you, too."

Rachel gently wiped away her tears, thumb circling her cheeks in a soothing manner. Quinn reached out her fingers and lightly traced the bruises on Rachel's neck, more tears spilling out of her eyes as she bit back a whimper. She knew that she was being irrational, but the paranoia that she might wake up one day without Rachel by her side was stabbing at her innermost insecurities.

Everyone that she cared about left her. Her mother, her father, and even her sister. And if Rachel were to leave her, too, she wouldn't know what to do.

Feeling Rachel's hands on hers, Quinn looked up and saw the silent promise in her eyes. Slowly, Rachel kissed away her tears, whispering small reassurances into her ear. They lay down together, and Quinn placed her head against Rachel's chest as the sheets are pulled above their naked bodies.

And with the way Rachel kissed her tenderly and locked their fingers together, Quinn is reassured that she will _never _leave her; that Rachel will always make her whole again whenever she feels broken inside.


End file.
